What is love?

Meh. Yeah,here we are again,another Valentine’s Day. And your Uncle Giltron is still flying solo. I can’t give you any dating advice,but I can show you some Tiki cocktails that might help. Enjoy!

Mix #271 Mary Pickford

1.5oz blended lightly aged rum*
1.5oz pineapple juice
1tsp grenadine
6 drops Luxardo maraschino liqueur

Shake with ice and double-strain into chilled coupe glass.

*I used Denizen 8yr.

First up is a drink named in honor of legendary silent film actress Mary Pickford. She was so beloved at the time she was dubbed “America’s Sweetheart”. She not only defined the archetype of ingénue,but she was a heck of a businesswoman,co-founding United Artists with other big-name actors. Just the kind of gal you’d take to the alter. This particular recipe is from Smugglers Cove,and is based off the cocktail created in Cuba’s Hotel Nacional where she stayed in the 1920’s while filming a movie with husband Douglas Fairbanks. The original used white rum,but dark rum works well in this. It’s a bit tart,but I would say it’s an improvement over the Hemingway Daiquiri. Daiquiri fans will dig this.

Mix #272 Vicious Virgin(Don Beach)

1oz gold Virgin Islands rum
1/2oz light Puerto Rican rum
1/2oz lime juice
1/4oz falernum
1/4oz simple syrup

Flash blend with ice and pour into Mai Tai glass.

What’s vicious about this virgin? She’s tart. If you like tart you’ll dig this,but I added some agave syrup to finish it. Created by Donn Beach around 1937,it was featured in his book Hawaii Tropical Rum Drinks & Cuisine. With only one and a half ounces of rum it’s low wattage,so it’s a good choice if you’re trying to make a good first impression.

Mix #273 Vicious Virgin #2

3/4oz white rum
3/4oz blanco tequila
1.5oz grapefruit juice
3/4oz lime juice
1/2oz orgeat
1/4oz blue curacao

Shake with ice and strain into chilled coupe glass.

Another tart drink,this one features tequila and comes from the Pago Pago in Tucson,AZ. Not quite as tart as the original,but enough that you should like your sour if you want to try this.

Mix #274 Impatient Virgin

3/4oz Appleton Special gold rum*
3/4oz white Virgin Islands rum
3/4oz lime juice
3/4oz orange juice
1/4oz falernum
1/4oz grenadine
1/2tsp fassionola syrup

Blend with ice and strain into coupe glass.

*I used Bacardi Gran Reserva Diez since the Appleton is discontinued.

The Mai-Kai’s riff on Don’s Vicious Virgin,this is also very tart. I added more fassionola to finish. Another one for tart fans,and the red color is right for Valentine’s.

Mix #275 Dirty Diana

1.5oz Pyrat XO Reserve rum
1.5oz grapefruit juice
3/4oz lime juice
3/4oz agave syrup
1 dash peach bitters

Shake with ice and pour into Collins glass.

So maybe you’re tired of tart virgins and want a gal with some experience who’s got a sweet side? Well this will hit the spot. A nice sweet/citrus blend gives this proper Tiki drink flavor,and it’s light enough to make a good summer drink as well. Dump on a overproof float if you want to get real dirty.

Mix #276 Mai Bloody Valentine

1oz aged Jamaican rum*
1oz aged multi island rum**
1oz blood orange juice
3/4oz lime juice
1/2oz orgeat
1/4oz ginger syrup***
1 dash Angostura bitters

Shake with ice and pour into Mai Tai glass.

*I used Appleton 12yr.
**I used Denizen 8yr.
***Originally 1/2oz.

Finally,we have a proper Valentine red drink from master mixer Brian Maxwell. The original recipe called for a half ounce of ginger syrup,and while I like gingers,that was way too much for me since all I tasted was the ginger. After halving it I liked it much better. It starts out as a slightly sweet Mai Tai and finishes with a ginger burn on the end. You want to be sure to use blood orange juice so it will turn out right. I even went out and got a juicer to squeeze my own:

(see ladies,I know my way around a kitchen)

So forget that nasty pink champagne and show your special someone you care by making them a proper Tiki drink. And ladies,if you don’t have someone to make you a Valentine’s cocktail,remember I’m still single. Booyakasha!